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God and My Spirit Guides: a Thought

Native American peoples had an intensely personal relationship with their surroundings. Animals were not just hunted for sport or food. The hides were made into clothing. Bones were used as tools and decorations. But, it’s even more complex than this. Animals were family. They shared secrets with the People and guided them, too. They could be omens of the future. They showed how to prepare for upcoming weather or seasons. Many times an animal would become a spirit guide, or totem, teaching through dreams or during meditation. These guides often talked to the People, but sometimes they simply lead them through a series of pictures or visions. Different animals meant different things to each person. Sometimes they would lend their strength. They could, also, help identify weaknesses or places where skill building was necessary. The shaman would often assist the People to recognize their individual guides and what they should know about them. The time, place, direction, color or health of a guide could tell many stories about the person sensing them. I say sensing because sight was not the only clue. Sometimes a person would hear, smell or “feel” a guide that was never seen. Not all guides were always helpful. Some were sent to confuse or test the People. Coyote was a known trickster, but she was cunning, too. Much could be learned from Coyote. Spirit guides could change throughout lifetimes. There could be one or many to help the person through each stage, season or section of life. Some never understood who or what their guide was. Others were on intimate terms with them. I think that a healthy life would include many guides, some of which were for life and others would be seasonal. It’s interesting to observe an animal you have an affinity for or like to watch or admire. I like to close my eyes and pray. While I pray, different visions flow through my thoughts. Many times I’ve gained valuable insights by paying attention to those visions. I know when Wolf shows her face I’m about to learn something new or teach something to someone else. When I feel anxious, Whale often comes and takes me through the oceans to relax and calm down. It’s odd that I feel this way about Whale, because when I’m awake, drowning is one of my biggest fears. But when she takes me there is no fear or danger. I think it’s her song and her size that comfort me. Many of my guides are like Whale in that they are animals that would frighten me or make me feel nervous in face-to-face encounters. But, as my guides they feel comfortable. I think they are beautiful to look at. I like to read about them and study them. However, I would never approach them in the wild like I do in my visions. We often dismiss the wonders of the world out of fear. I think some people would think I’m crazy or that I’m not a “real” Christian if they knew how I feel. Spirituality is so very personal. I believe that it is God speaking to me through these guides. I think He uses animals with me because I trust animals more than people. People have their own agendas. Animals, for the most part, are instinctual and more attuned to what is happening around them. People are self-centered. We believe the world revolves around us. Animals are more involved as an actual part of nature. We change the things around us to fit our needs. Animals adapt to what is happening to them. People will smile at someone they don’t like or don’t want to have around. Animals always let you know when you are welcome or unwanted. I would like, someday, to go on a vision quest, just me, God, my spirit guide and my journal. This is the ultimate vacation dream. In my mind I picture myself sitting in a private place with some water source nearby. Water is very soothing to me. I would close my eyes, clear my mind, listen to the water sounds and allow God to lead me. I wonder which animal He would send to guide me to Him or His lesson? This, I think, would be the coolest thing ever! How awesome is a God who doesn’t strike me down for liking nature more than sermons for revealing Himself to me? What a treasure is this earth He has placed us on, created for us? We need to love her back. We need to slow down so we can watch her and learn from her. Many lessons can be learned by observing nature as a gift from God, rather than a force to be overcome. We have separated ourselves in artificial packages. We are constantly striving to manipulate and shape our surroundings. We call it civilization or progress. It feels cold, sterile and foreign to me. Come to me Wolf and Whale. Take me to God. Show me how to listen to Him. Teach me to trust and obey His plan for me.

Ode on Blue Eyes

Twin pools of light.

Orbs used for sight.

Mesmerized, I look.

Let me read that book.

Tell me, can you see?

Do you know it's me?

What happens in there,

Under your blond hair?

Do you know I long

To share with you a song?

I want to hear you talk.

With you, I want to walk.

But, when I look at you,

All I see is blue.

Twin pools of light.

Orbs you use for sight.

Inventions I wish had not been invented

This is very difficult to narrow down. So much of technology is extremely beneficial, if put to proper use, yet can be detrimental in the wrong hands. Even things which seem all good can be turned to bad in the mind that leans in that direction. One glaring example is the H-bomb. It is the epitome of evil. However, the technology to create the bomb is also the ability to create massive amounts of energy relatively cheaply. Dynamite is another example. It can be used as a quicker, more effective mining devise than picks, axes and shovels. But, in the hands of people with destructive minds it is a tool for great harm. I would much rather allow for all creativity to be permitted to flourish. God gives us free-will and I believe we should, in turn, allow our fellow man to have the same freedom. This means we will be infringed upon, yet we will be allowed to infringe upon others. Stifling each other is not an effective tool, rather compromise is called for. Compromise and being an example of responsible creators and thinkers.

Superbowl Dreamin' (1/05/09)

It's time to break out the black and gold. The Steelers are on the road to the superbowl again. We're striving for the Big Game. Let's rest for just one week. Then we'll show them the steel curtain. Come on Big Ben! You're the leader of our pack. You're young, brave, strong and sure. Confident, cocky, proven in battle. We're right behind you. Our hearts hang on your right arm. Let's start to decorate the other hand with rings. Let's show the world that Pittsburgh means Football!

Sacrifice to become............

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."-Charles Du Bos

For people, like actors and musicians, becoming someone else is a habit which is comfortable. I, on the other hand, struggle with change. I like my keys to be hanging on the wall behind the door. I like my pocketbook to sit in the same place. I like my favorite tv show to be always in the same time slot. However, I am always open to learning new skills. Self taught or learned skills give a boost to my often low self-esteem. The first time I maneuvered a tractor trailer through the streets of Hershey, Pa was so incredible. After doing it for a while it became mundane. For a long time I thought all learning must translate into an increase in pay. Over the last 8 years or so I've reevaluated that thought. Now learning for the sake of knowing is enough. I've taught myself to crochet, paint, sew and identify the birds in my yard. By doing these creative activities I've released a lot of stress and become a better person. I'm not quite so driven in a single fashion. Art in its many forms flows and ebbs like a tide or swollen river breaching its banks. Change has become a welcome acquaintance, if not a bosom friend. Opening up to new experiences allows for acceptance of opposing views. Change happens to move you to a new perspective, like looking at a tree through a window versus going outside to touch and smell the tree in addition to looking at it. Immersion in my surroundings rather than observation of them is educational in itself. But, I had to change my position to allow for my perspective to change. By allowing the tide to flow, rather than building a dam to direct it, took less work and resulted in new found hope and faith in the world around me.

Parenting

Nevermind

Presidential Election

First of all, I would like to say thank you God for placing me in a nation where I have the right, privilege and the responsibility to choose my own leaders in government.

Next, I would like to thank and commend all of those who went out and voted in this election.

Lastly, I would like to thank President-elect Obama for answering God's call to him to be a leader in a most unsettled time in our history as a nation. We are struggling in our economy, we are at war throughout the world and many believe the outlook to be dim. I think we have been given the tools to correct our downward spiral. We need now to pull those tools out of the work bench, dust them off and get to work rebuilding what we have so devastated in our clumsiness.

Now, I would like to ask God to lay His hands on all of us. I would petition Him to guide us, to hold us up, to assist us and to shower us with His love and blessings. Remember, WE the people, all of us have a new president. Not just the people who like Obama, not just the people who supported his campaign and not just those who voted for him. President-elect Obama is the leader of our whole nation. Let us support him and allow him to do the job we have hired him to do. When he does things we don't like, let's rebuke him with our voices not violence. Let's give him a warm welcome and assist him in being a success. Because when our president is successful, we as a nation become stronger.

Thank you for your support.

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."-Wm. Wordsworth

My heart breathes are full of men. Sam and Darin are my beloved brothers. Sam and I are very close because there is only one year between us in age. We've been through a lot together. We were very young when our parents divorced. This made us pull together emotionally. As a result we can weather any storm, so long as we do it together. Darin is a different story. There are ten years between us. I was forced to grow up very quickly so I could help care for him. Mom worked at night and weekends. I loved him dearly, but resented him, too. I had to baby sit instead of dating, going to sporting events, even homecoming and prom were forfeit to him. I wasn't always nice to him. Now he's more like a son, in my mind, than a brother. I have three nephews, too.(no nieces) Kyle and Zane are Sam's. Zachery belongs to Darin. They are so special and wonderful. I love watching the older two play baseball. Many evenings and weekends are spent with them. I think I would sacrifice anything for them. They are the loves of my life and bright spots, too. What they want I try to give them. Dates have been cancelled for them. All my friends say I spoil them. My retort is "they are not spoiled, they are well loved." They give me kisses and hugs every time I see them. We shop, play and just hang out together. The most incredible thing about them is when they say " I love you." Every time they do that my heart shatters into a million points of light.

BIRTHDAY MEMORY

I love birthdays. They are monumental for me. Each year is a testament to the fact that I'm still here and have that much more knowledge.

Some of my birthdays have been fraught with worry. Like when I turned 25, 30 and 35. I don't know why, but it seemed like life was falling short of my dreams. Each one came and went with no husband and no children. Now I revel in that freedom. My love can be poured out on my nephews instead of progeny of my own.

One birthday that really stands out in my mind is my thirteenth. We were going to a cabin in the mountains with some family friends. We spent several days cooking and baking good things to eat. My mom had me bake a chocolate cake from scratch, and showed me how to make homemade chocolate icing for on it. Everyone else liked peanut butter icing, but chocolate is my favorite. We made macaroni salad, potato salad, cut up cheese and bologna cubes, cucumber slaw, cole slaw and pea salad. Then we baked a meatloaf and sliced it up for sandwiches on homemade bread. This was going to be a great weekend!

There was one huge problem though. No one said a single word about my birthday being on Saturday. I helped get our clothes together, along with towels and blankets. My youngest brother was only three, so we had to pack lots of extra stuff for him. When we loaded the truck I saw each bag, box and cooler. There were no presents for me. I didn't ask any questions. I just felt real sad and empty inside. No one had asked what I wanted either. We weren't allowed to ask for things.

When we left home on Friday, I just decided to think of the trip as my present. Then I got angry because everyone else was sharing my gift. It was beautiful at the cabin. There was a creek nearby that we played in. My birthday is May14th, so lots of new plant life was just peeping out for the new season.

After dinner on Saturday night Mom told me to get that cake I had made. I was so surprised when I took the foil off that pan. She had decorated it with colored icing Friday night after we kids went to sleep. It was very pretty with flowers and my name on it. There were gifts for me, too! I don't remember what they were any more, but I know they were things that I had seen in a little gift shop we had stopped at on the way up there. I knew better than to ask for anything, but that didn't stop me from looking at the cool stuff. I got a warm feeling when everyone told me how good my cake tasted. It was like I was giving a gift to them on my birthday.

That was a wonderful day. I won't ever forget it even though the gifts escape me yet. Surprise birthdays are the best!