"If you were the person God designed you to be.....you would be walking around naked and not know it."-Donald Miller during his "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" book tour

NEW QUOTE

A woman who writes her own stories has no fear of demons.--Laurel Thatcher Ulrich in Well-behaved Women Seldom Make History.

WHERE IS MY NAN NESS?

My maternal grandmother has Alzheimer's disease. Her physical residence is Manor-Care in D-town. However, I still wonder where she is. What happened to the oh-so-clever woman who so tenderly cared for me as I grew into a woman? Where is the lady who made fishing rods out of bamboo and took us to use them at rivers, ponds, lakes and creeks? What has become of the mind that so patiently taught us all sorts of card and board games? She did crossword puzzles, loved to watch all sports and game shows, whistled like a bird to the songs on the radio. She encouraged our education and imaginations. She helped us to grow gardens. She taught us to cook and can and freeze fresh vegetables. We spent weeks on the porch cutting, preparing, packing and "putting up" food for the next year. We even made ketchup! Where is the lady who taught us that not all snakes or bugs are "bad?" How do I learn lessons at her knee? She does not know my name sometimes now. She cries to be taken home, but can't tell us where home is. She asks for her husband, who she divorced when my mom was but a girl. She cries when we tell her of a death, then asks how that person is doing when we visit her next. Where is my Nan Ness? How do I tell her what she means to me? Her living death is a worry to me. I wonder when it will happen to me, as it happened to her at a young age, and her mother before her. Oh, where is my Nan Ness? I am glad she still exists as before in my memories.

LETTER TO CREATIVE ME!

Hello Creative Me! I have neglected you lately. How rusty and dusty you look! Let's have a walk, outside, in the rain. Let's walk in the woods, fields, lake, river, ocean. Ah, the ocean! Look at the water. Close my eyes and breathe deeply. Smell the salty air. Walk in the sand. Grit between toes, sun on skin. Water everywhere. Maybe next month, I'll experience these things for you, just to refresh your senses.

QUOTABLES:

-If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. -Katherine Hepburn -I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. -Emma Goldman -Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. -Joan Crawford -The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70. -Helen Hayes -It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen. -Brigitte Bardot -Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them. -Anna Mangini -We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves. -Mary Lamberton Becker -One is not born a woman, one becomes one. -Simone de Beauvoir -Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. -Mother Teresa -Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself in order to get anything done in this world. -Lucille Ball -Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage. from Villette by Charlotte Bronte

A Letter To My Udda Mudda

Thank you for allowing God to move you into my life. Thank you for following His lead. Thank you for opening your heart and life to me like I came from you. Thank you for loving my Dad. Thank you for being saved through Christ. Thank you for helping me out when I come up short on money. Thank you for giving me the little sister who loves me back. Thank you for pizza night. Thank you for teaching me how to give with an open heart. Thank you for bringing me back to church. Thank you for forgiving me when I hurt your feelings. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Thank you for pumpkin pie. Thank you for "kid's Christmas." Thank you for introducing me to the Sunday Breakfast Group. Thank you... Thank you... Thank you... Love, Rosa

RELAXATION 101

Bubbles, bubbles in a bath. Aroma therapy candles in a dark bathroom. A book in hand, unread, as stress is eased away in the hot water. Eyes are closed, mind is open. Imagined dialog from a long day. Relief in the sounds of near silence or water dripping back into the tub. Silky decadence in scented soap scrubbing away the filth of the world; feels like baptism taken to a higher level. Separated even from the rest of my apartment. The door is closed. No external sounds. No lights, harsh, electric. Only soft candles soothing to sun scorched eyes. NO phone. Only water sounds. Ripples as I stretch to relax or wash. Calm, slow. Long enough to feel blood pressure drop as the water cools. Bubbles are luxurious texture added to smooth water. They're disappearing, evaporating with the worries of the day. Wake up! Sit straight up, look around. Try to grasp the difference between where I was and where I am. Shiver as my body (wet) is exposed to the air. Need to get out of the tub. Give hands and feet special pampering. How can water make us look wrinkled and dehydrated? Lotion rubbed on all of the body, kneading the muscles in a deeper level. Then powder to all creases to remove excess moisture and remind me of childhood baths just before bedtime.

COLLECTING

Collections have a significance in our lives in defining many things about ourselves. I've collected penguins since about 12 years old. I have movies, books, stationary, pens, erasers, nick-knacks, even a mini vacuum cleaner. My family is constantly trying to find unique penguin items. For a long time all my Christmas and birthday items were themed around this collection. I had to ask my family not to buy every penguin they saw because most of them are boxed up except in winter. Now I've started frogs in the yard. Wind chimes are another of my favorites. As you can see, I like to decorate in themes. Deviation from the theme is a big no-no. My family is becoming better able to refrain from abundance and see my creativity. Now there is a greater variety at gift times. But, those penguins still sneak their way in at times. Native American spirituality speaks of animal and spirit guides. I guess mine would be penguins and frogs. I'll have to research them.

DEFINITIONS:

-Denotation- the exact meaning of a word. -Connotation- the emotional overtones of a word.

PROFOUND THOUGHT!?!

I am still looking for my Prince Charming, but some days I think I would settle for a kiss from a Frog!

PROFOUND THOUGHT!?

SOMETHING FROM EACH YEAR OF SCHOOL!

• KINDERGARTEN- my teacher's name was Mrs. Applanap.
• FIRST- I was mad because Sam got to go to afternoon kindergarten, so he got to watch all the cool television shows I was missing.
• SECOND- I told my teacher that my Dad was a werewolf, because I had overheard a conversation in which Mom said something to that effect.
• THIRD- had my first male teacher, he called all of us girls "Lady Bugs."
• FOURTH- I thought my Mom was going to die because the baby she was carrying was "killing her."
• FIFTH- I met my friend, Cindy Grove. (Don't know where she is now!)
• SIXTH- Terry Miller pretended to kiss me in the back of the room by the coat rack, so everyone thought he was my boyfriend. (?)
• SEVENTH- I thought FFA would be a fun club to join. I became friends with Julie Lehman, who had cows of her very own!
• EIGHTH- I ran for president of my class, but I lost.
• NINTH- I moved to Felton with Mom and met Laura Goughnour at school (was in her wedding later.)
• TENTH- second year of being a manager for the track and field team.
• ELEVENTH- I wrote some poems about how I thought people felt when they wanted to commit suicide. When I showed them to Mr. Tracey, he made me get counseling.
• TWELTH- on the first day of school I cried, because so many of my friends had graduated the year before. At graduation, I cried, because I would never be a student at Red Lion ever again, and had to grow up.
• COLLEGE FRESHMAN- I was the one girl who lost instead of gaining weight when I went away to college.
• COLLEGE SOPHOMORE- Even though I was very active in Campus Ministry and pledged Kappa Phi (Christian sorority) I felt very alone and far away from God.

I'm glad I'm a life long student of everything. This way I can keep in touch with my early education, yet continue to grow in new directions. I'm, also, not very encouraged when I read what I learned in fifteen years of schooling.

ODE TO FORTY YEARS

Forty years have come and gone. Forty years I've been Rosa Lee Culp. Forty years... Can't wait until I hit fifty. Maybe then I'll have something to write about.

PRINCE CHARMING

Have you seen Prince Charming? No, not that guy! The one my Mother and friends keep saying was made for me. You've heard this before. Why am I still single? What's wrong with me? Is my hair the wrong color, length, texture, style? Am I too fat? Are my ankles too thick? Am I too smart, or too dumb? Am I too particular? Did God really make "a man" just for me? Did I already say no to Mr. Right? Did Mr. Right know that he was supposed to say "Will you?" Was my Mr. Right killed in a car accident, plane crash, sporting accident? Did I miss Mr. Right because I was too busy with Mr. Rightnow? Did I mistake Mr. Right for Mr. Rightnow and walk away from him? Enough of that, let's try some new tactic. Okay, Mr. Right does in fact exist (remember, it's my story, I'll tell it how I want.) Will I over look him because he's too fat, too short, disabled, has the "wrong" color eyes, or hair, or skin? Will I mistake him for the guy with curly hair, straight hair, gray hair, no hair? Will I miss meeting him because I'm too busy to go to that party? Will I be to involved in my book, or magazine to look up and see him walk by, or sit and watch me while I'm in the bookstore? Does he live in Pa.? Should I move to Maine? Does he hate the ocean? Hate cats? Do I need to lose weight so he can see me? Is he the guy my friends want to introduce me to? Is he the guy my friends can't stand to be around? Did I go to school, college, church or work with him? Is he already a part of my life? Is he the drunk sitting at the other end of the bar staring at me, passing out, drinking a beer, a whiskey, a glass of wine? Is he the cop who once pulled me over for speeding? What does he like? Where does he live? What are his hobbies? Where does he work? Does he like to watch television? Does he like to read books? Can he read books? Does he know I'm looking for him? Is he looking for me? Have we both just given up on each other? Will it help to pray for him? Does he pray for me? Once again I ask, "Are you sure God made him?" Is it possible that I was made to be alone? If so, why do I feel the need to mother and nurture? Why do I want to be married? Why do I feel like I've missed out on being a Mom? Does he drive a car or a pickup? Does he even drive at all? My head is starting to hurt. There are way to many variables. Way to many choices. Way to many varieties, vagaries, decisions. Maybe I'll just keep trusting in God, and live life as it comes to me. I'm looking for Prince Charming, but let me tell you, some days I think I would settle for a frog!

Mom is Mom

Happy Mother's Day to all! Mom is Mom, Mom is great. Mom is Mom, Mom is good. Mom is Mom, Mom is forgiving. Mom is Mom, Mom is life. Mom is Mom, Mom is light. Mom is Mom, Mom is care. Mom is Mom, Mom is Help! Mom is Mom, Mom is yours. Mom is Mom, Mom is mine. Mom is Mom, Mom is love. Mom is Mom, Mom is a gift from our God above!

ORANGES: MY FAV. FRUIT

Oranges are sweet and tart at the same time. They are juicy yet filling. They are full of vitamin C with lots of fiber. The orange peel has a lovely rippled texture that is soft to the touch. The color is vibrant without hurting the eye. In a basket arrangement the orange stands out yet blends beautifully with the other fruit colors. The circular shape of oranges is appealing, too. All children love to play with balls. I remember my Nan Culp and Nan Ness always put oranges in our Christmas stockings. When I was in Junior High School, I won first place for orange sales in our FFA club. The orange reminds me of summer because it looks like the sun. Isn't it funny that a fruit I received as a Christmas present all throughout my childhood would remind me of winter's opposite season? I don't think I've ever met someone who didn't like the flavor of oranges. I know many people who's digestive systems can't handle the acid in oranges. Yet, these same people will often endure the consequences to enjoy the flavor. God did a good thing in the orange. Its seeds are large enough to be easily removed from the fruit, but they aren't so large that they take a lot of space within the fruit. I think the orange must be near about perfect.

Childless

I am barren, hollow, bereft, empty. Never given the gift of conception, internal growth, birth. The next generation is not mine to mold, shape, nurture. No husband, no child, all alone in this place. I must be patient. There is a better place coming to me. My faith must provide the sustenance of my living. I am not chosen. Through all of this, I am not gift less. I must hold to the creativity He has given to me. I must write, paint, feed the birds, crochet, sew, cook, and love the prodigy of other women's bodies. Because my gifts can not be held inside. I can not withdraw inside of myself. I must love and use the gifts He has given, and not mourn the ones withheld. Give me, please Father, the strength to hold up my head, and continue joyfully through life. Lift me up in Your arms, shelter me. Be the family which is withheld. Give me friends with children for me to love. Thank you for all. Amen

Can YOu Hear Him Now?

My God is calling to me right now. I answer Him by exposing myself in letters formed to words in a written format, so others may share in the gift He has given to me. He does not need a land line or a cell phone, the internet is installed in my heart of hearts. When He calls, there is a peace and a stillness that enters my soul. The birds stop singing, or seem to. My cats go lie down. The telephone doesn't ring. The television loosens it's hold on me. There is nothing on the radio. "Hello? God? Yes, it's me, Rosa. Yes, I hear you now." He tells me secrets. He whispers truth. He shares comfort. He centers my soul. He realigns my vision. He has mastered communications 101, as He is the master of everything else. He brings new perspective to the trials of life. He brings new perspective to the joys of life. He brings the things I need to survive. He very often provides the things I want. He has gifted me with many talents. I am a vessel for Him to fill, and I very often overflow with recognition of His provision for me. When my vessel(self) feels empty, I cry out to Him for fulfillment. Right now my vessel is full. When I write, my vessel is sharing it's blessing with the people God calls to Himself. "God is good." How paltry is that word in reference to Him? Yet, it seems to me to say it all, simply and concisely. Thank you, God, Father, Savior, Deliverer, Provider, "Verizon support team" of the universe.

Promotion for Rosa

Hey Everyone, Just wanted to share some exciting news. I have received a promotion at work! I will be moving to the North Hills Rd Rutter's on April 27th as the Second Shift Lead Person. This is the next step I need to make on my way to becoming a manager with the Rutter's Company. I am in the process of pursuing a Roving Deli Manager position. Please, pray for my continuing success and a quick promotion to follow on the heals of this one.Thank you to everyone who has pushed, prodded, poked, and in general supported me and helped me to become the person I am today. God bless, Rosa

Introspection on time

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I think we set ourselves up for failure when we compare ourselves to others. If God had wanted me to be a Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, or Mother Teresa He would not have made me a Rosa Culp. I am the unique individual He created. He formed me, blessed me, made me and when finished said, "She is good." This is not an excuse for things I do wrong or mistakes I make. It is not a conceited effort to put myself forward as an example to others. However, I have been convinced that I am who, how and as He intended. Any other belief leads down a road of depression, self loathing and regrets. I make myself say "I am not perfect. But, I am perfectly designed." As you see, the flaw is not in the actual object (self), it's in the understanding of the machinations that are me. If we stop to refocus, or look at ourselves from another place or viewpoint we can often see a beauty that will stun us. We must look at ourselves through our Father's eyes.

Top 3 Time Bandits

1.) Myself

2.) Books

3.) Birds and Nature

I am very disorganized. Things are never put in their proper places, so I spend much time searching for what I want or need instead of doing what needs done. It often takes so much time to find the things I need that there is no time left for the doing. Any time there is an object with words on it, I have to stop and read it. Who knows, it may be some important instructions or a warning. It may be an inspiration for some new creative outlet or new creative direction. In warm seasons I step out on my patio and sit at the table to write. I see something from the corner of my eye and proceed to spend the next hour watching some robin or woodpecker or something I haven't yet identified. Maybe God put my time bandits here to help me slow down and see what He has given to me. Maybe my time bandits are the real reason God sent me to the places where my bandits reside. Maybe my time bandits aren't bandits. Maybe they are the true purpose. Nah, I think those are just excuses for my goofing off!

A Bat Circling the Sky

Out of the box I fly

To circle in the sky

I can see so much

Of spiders, bugs and such

Mine is a merry life

Carefree, empty of strife

I'm natures Orkin man

Eating as many bugs as I can

I, also, eat small frogs

Scoop them up off logs

I am free to fly away

Yet, I will sleep all day.

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God and My Spirit Guides: a Thought

Native American peoples had an intensely personal relationship with their surroundings. Animals were not just hunted for sport or food. The hides were made into clothing. Bones were used as tools and decorations. But, it’s even more complex than this. Animals were family. They shared secrets with the People and guided them, too. They could be omens of the future. They showed how to prepare for upcoming weather or seasons. Many times an animal would become a spirit guide, or totem, teaching through dreams or during meditation. These guides often talked to the People, but sometimes they simply lead them through a series of pictures or visions. Different animals meant different things to each person. Sometimes they would lend their strength. They could, also, help identify weaknesses or places where skill building was necessary. The shaman would often assist the People to recognize their individual guides and what they should know about them. The time, place, direction, color or health of a guide could tell many stories about the person sensing them. I say sensing because sight was not the only clue. Sometimes a person would hear, smell or “feel” a guide that was never seen. Not all guides were always helpful. Some were sent to confuse or test the People. Coyote was a known trickster, but she was cunning, too. Much could be learned from Coyote. Spirit guides could change throughout lifetimes. There could be one or many to help the person through each stage, season or section of life. Some never understood who or what their guide was. Others were on intimate terms with them. I think that a healthy life would include many guides, some of which were for life and others would be seasonal. It’s interesting to observe an animal you have an affinity for or like to watch or admire. I like to close my eyes and pray. While I pray, different visions flow through my thoughts. Many times I’ve gained valuable insights by paying attention to those visions. I know when Wolf shows her face I’m about to learn something new or teach something to someone else. When I feel anxious, Whale often comes and takes me through the oceans to relax and calm down. It’s odd that I feel this way about Whale, because when I’m awake, drowning is one of my biggest fears. But when she takes me there is no fear or danger. I think it’s her song and her size that comfort me. Many of my guides are like Whale in that they are animals that would frighten me or make me feel nervous in face-to-face encounters. But, as my guides they feel comfortable. I think they are beautiful to look at. I like to read about them and study them. However, I would never approach them in the wild like I do in my visions. We often dismiss the wonders of the world out of fear. I think some people would think I’m crazy or that I’m not a “real” Christian if they knew how I feel. Spirituality is so very personal. I believe that it is God speaking to me through these guides. I think He uses animals with me because I trust animals more than people. People have their own agendas. Animals, for the most part, are instinctual and more attuned to what is happening around them. People are self-centered. We believe the world revolves around us. Animals are more involved as an actual part of nature. We change the things around us to fit our needs. Animals adapt to what is happening to them. People will smile at someone they don’t like or don’t want to have around. Animals always let you know when you are welcome or unwanted. I would like, someday, to go on a vision quest, just me, God, my spirit guide and my journal. This is the ultimate vacation dream. In my mind I picture myself sitting in a private place with some water source nearby. Water is very soothing to me. I would close my eyes, clear my mind, listen to the water sounds and allow God to lead me. I wonder which animal He would send to guide me to Him or His lesson? This, I think, would be the coolest thing ever! How awesome is a God who doesn’t strike me down for liking nature more than sermons for revealing Himself to me? What a treasure is this earth He has placed us on, created for us? We need to love her back. We need to slow down so we can watch her and learn from her. Many lessons can be learned by observing nature as a gift from God, rather than a force to be overcome. We have separated ourselves in artificial packages. We are constantly striving to manipulate and shape our surroundings. We call it civilization or progress. It feels cold, sterile and foreign to me. Come to me Wolf and Whale. Take me to God. Show me how to listen to Him. Teach me to trust and obey His plan for me.

Ode on Blue Eyes

Twin pools of light.

Orbs used for sight.

Mesmerized, I look.

Let me read that book.

Tell me, can you see?

Do you know it's me?

What happens in there,

Under your blond hair?

Do you know I long

To share with you a song?

I want to hear you talk.

With you, I want to walk.

But, when I look at you,

All I see is blue.

Twin pools of light.

Orbs you use for sight.

Inventions I wish had not been invented

This is very difficult to narrow down. So much of technology is extremely beneficial, if put to proper use, yet can be detrimental in the wrong hands. Even things which seem all good can be turned to bad in the mind that leans in that direction. One glaring example is the H-bomb. It is the epitome of evil. However, the technology to create the bomb is also the ability to create massive amounts of energy relatively cheaply. Dynamite is another example. It can be used as a quicker, more effective mining devise than picks, axes and shovels. But, in the hands of people with destructive minds it is a tool for great harm. I would much rather allow for all creativity to be permitted to flourish. God gives us free-will and I believe we should, in turn, allow our fellow man to have the same freedom. This means we will be infringed upon, yet we will be allowed to infringe upon others. Stifling each other is not an effective tool, rather compromise is called for. Compromise and being an example of responsible creators and thinkers.

Superbowl Dreamin' (1/05/09)

It's time to break out the black and gold. The Steelers are on the road to the superbowl again. We're striving for the Big Game. Let's rest for just one week. Then we'll show them the steel curtain. Come on Big Ben! You're the leader of our pack. You're young, brave, strong and sure. Confident, cocky, proven in battle. We're right behind you. Our hearts hang on your right arm. Let's start to decorate the other hand with rings. Let's show the world that Pittsburgh means Football!

Sacrifice to become............

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."-Charles Du Bos

For people, like actors and musicians, becoming someone else is a habit which is comfortable. I, on the other hand, struggle with change. I like my keys to be hanging on the wall behind the door. I like my pocketbook to sit in the same place. I like my favorite tv show to be always in the same time slot. However, I am always open to learning new skills. Self taught or learned skills give a boost to my often low self-esteem. The first time I maneuvered a tractor trailer through the streets of Hershey, Pa was so incredible. After doing it for a while it became mundane. For a long time I thought all learning must translate into an increase in pay. Over the last 8 years or so I've reevaluated that thought. Now learning for the sake of knowing is enough. I've taught myself to crochet, paint, sew and identify the birds in my yard. By doing these creative activities I've released a lot of stress and become a better person. I'm not quite so driven in a single fashion. Art in its many forms flows and ebbs like a tide or swollen river breaching its banks. Change has become a welcome acquaintance, if not a bosom friend. Opening up to new experiences allows for acceptance of opposing views. Change happens to move you to a new perspective, like looking at a tree through a window versus going outside to touch and smell the tree in addition to looking at it. Immersion in my surroundings rather than observation of them is educational in itself. But, I had to change my position to allow for my perspective to change. By allowing the tide to flow, rather than building a dam to direct it, took less work and resulted in new found hope and faith in the world around me.