WHERE IS MY NAN NESS?

My maternal grandmother has Alzheimer's disease. Her physical residence is Manor-Care in D-town. However, I still wonder where she is. What happened to the oh-so-clever woman who so tenderly cared for me as I grew into a woman? Where is the lady who made fishing rods out of bamboo and took us to use them at rivers, ponds, lakes and creeks? What has become of the mind that so patiently taught us all sorts of card and board games? She did crossword puzzles, loved to watch all sports and game shows, whistled like a bird to the songs on the radio. She encouraged our education and imaginations. She helped us to grow gardens. She taught us to cook and can and freeze fresh vegetables. We spent weeks on the porch cutting, preparing, packing and "putting up" food for the next year. We even made ketchup! Where is the lady who taught us that not all snakes or bugs are "bad?" How do I learn lessons at her knee? She does not know my name sometimes now. She cries to be taken home, but can't tell us where home is. She asks for her husband, who she divorced when my mom was but a girl. She cries when we tell her of a death, then asks how that person is doing when we visit her next. Where is my Nan Ness? How do I tell her what she means to me? Her living death is a worry to me. I wonder when it will happen to me, as it happened to her at a young age, and her mother before her. Oh, where is my Nan Ness? I am glad she still exists as before in my memories.